Loneliness
by TheVictorianMuse
Summary: How far does loneliness stretch it's awful grasp? What does it take to relinquish it? SasoDei, M for possible later chapters. HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

((This little morsel of fluffiness is dedicated to my wonderful friend Kaili! I've never written SasoDei before, so I hope they are at least a little in character…and if not, I hope they are adorable! Enjoy! Let me know, I might continue this!))

There was an eerie silence, and Deidara couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just _maybe_, something was wrong. He usually ignored those feelings, especially when it had pertained to his partner, Sasori. But tonight…tonight was worse than it had even been. He could almost _taste_ the tension coming from the other male. Deidara sat up in his bed, and turned to Sasori, who was hunched over his work desk, working on mechanisms for his newest puppet.

"Danna? Is there something wrong? Hmm." He asked innocently. He knew Sasori really hated to be bothered, but the blonde couldn't help himself. He was naturally curious. He heard the red head hiss, and suddenly, his puppet head spun around and glared at Deidara.

"_What did I tell you-" _He began in a very nasty, angry voice. He stopped when he saw the look on Deidara's face. His partner was scaring him. His blue eyes were wide and frightful.

"Danna, I'm sorry! I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay! You seemed…upset." He bowed his head, his long, loose blond hair cascading over his shoulders. "Gomen."

Sasori cursed under his breath. He'd been meaning to ease up on his young partner. He knew that if he continued to push Deidara away, he would eventually have to get a new partner. He wanted to avoid that at all costs. It was bad enough he had to spend all of his free time with the annoying blonde…but at least he had _some_ appreciation for art. He turned his head back around.

"No, _I_ am sorry. And I'm fine, I've just been thinking a lot lately. That fight with Chiyo-baa-san left me with…_memories_…one's I had long since buried before she brought them back into the light again." He explained begrudgingly, as he tightened some screws on his new creation. He heard Deidara clamber to the end of the bed, closer to Sasori, so he could see over the other man's shoulder.

"You mean how lonely you were without your Mother and Father? Hmm." He asked, his head cocked to the side. Sasori cringed, but held steadfast onto his patience.

"_Yes_…" he hissed. Deidara pouted. He leaned over Sasori's shoulders, and removed the screwdriver from his hand. The red head was about to turn and ask him what he was doing, when he noticed Deidara's pale hands rubbing his chest and shoulders.

"You don't have to worry about that sort of thing anymore, Danna. You have me." He said simply. Those words hit Sasori hard.

'_You have me…'_

_ "_Deidara…you know I can't feel that." He deadpanned. Deidara cocked his head.

"Feel what? Hmm." He asked, continuing his massage. Sasori stood suddenly, letting Deidara's hands slide down his back as he walked to the other side of the room. He sat down on his bed.

"Your hands on me. I can't feel it. I've shut that part off, so I can't feel pain."

Deidara followed him, a scowl on his pretty face. "Why would you do that? If you can't feel pain, then you can't feel pleasure either." He sat down next to his partner. Sasori looked contemplative.

"I've never felt pleasure. Not in the physical way, at least." He said. Deidara smiled at him, but there was a devious under note in his eyes.

"Danna…turn it back on. Your nerves I mean. I'll show you what pleasure feels like. Hmm." He climbed into the other man's lap. "I'll give you a kiss. My very first one!"

Sasori looked skeptical, but he obliged. His heart core glowed, and Deidara took this as his cue. He wrapped his arms around Sasori's neck, and pressed his lips against his Master's. Sasori couldn't have described the feeling, even if he'd wanted to. He kissed back after a few minutes, and Deidara moaned into the kiss, parting his lips and shyly swiping his tongue against Sasori's lips, begging for entrance. When Sasori opened his mouth, Deidara playing flicked his small tongue inside, coaxing Sasori's to play with his. The red head pulled back.

"Deidara…what was that-" the puppet began, but Deidara brought a finger to his lips.

"Shh. Could you just hold me, Danna? You're not the only one who gets lonely, you know. Hmm."

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

It had taken two weeks for Deidara to work up the courage to talk to Sasori again after that night. Because, you see…the red head had completely ignored the blonde when they woke up the next morning. He'd merely pointed at the door, before walking into the bathroom and locking the door. Deidara knew that it was to avoid him, because Sasori had absolutely no need to use the bathroom. He had cried all the way back to his own room. Every day after that, it was the same old routine. Sasori would avoid him at all costs. He refused every mission Pein gave him with the red head, which eventually resulted in Deidara being paired with Itachi for a weekend long reconnaissance mission in Waterfall Country.

"I know, you know." The Uchiha whispered as they lay in their bedrolls in their makeshift camp. Deidara huffed.

"You know what? Hmm." He growled, turning to glare at the teen. Itachi frowned.

"About you and Sasori-san. And I know how he's treating you. I just wanted to say-"

"Save it, you assh-"

"I'm sorry. I wanted to say…that I'm sorry." Itachi sat up, running a small, pale hand through his ink-black hair. "I know what it's like to…feel what you're feeling now. But…you can't give up. Perhaps he doesn't know what to do with these emotions you're making him feel. And he's trying to push you away so he doesn't have to face him. Just…try harder." He whispered, before laying back down, and falling asleep.

Deidara glared at him for a long time. "Damn Uchiha…fucking thinking he knows every -fucking-thing. Hmm!"

But, his words were true. He had to try…

…which is why he found himself standing in front of Sasori's door, knocking loudly. He heard the telltale shuffle of wooden feet across the carpet. And as the door cracked open, Deidara found it particularly hard to breathe. When his blue eyes locked on to Sasori's big brown ones, his heart decided to skip a few beats.

"Sasori-danna-" he began, but the redhead began to shut the door again. Deidara jammed his foot between the door and the frame.

"No! Sasori, listen to me!" He hollered, barging inside his partner's room. He slammed the door behind him, and he had to desperately ignore the sour, disgusted look on his Danna's face. "Listen…please! Stop pushing me away! What happened…that time…it meant something to me, and I _know_ it meant something to you, as well. Hmm." He leaned forward, and pressed his lips to the older man's. Sasori pulled away, and went to push the blonde, but Deidara held on tight to Sasori's shoulders. He pulled the puppet man into a very tight hug, burying his face in his wooden shoulder.

"I know why you're doing this. These emotions…are confusing you! You haven't felt in so long…and you think their making you weak! And…maybe their making me weak, as well! But you know what, Danna? If loving you makes me weak, then I don't want to be strong! I never knew what love was, until I came here, and met you. I though the only thing I had to look forward to in life was art, and my own death. But now…now I have someone who will hold me, who will get rid of this loneliness…I won't let that go so easily. Hmm."

Sasori stood very still. He let Deidara's words sink in. They…stirred something in him. Something he'd though had been dead for almost two decades now. His emotions. He'd been under the impression that he had become just as heartless, just as callous as his puppets, since he himself was one. But now, with this boy in his arms…he felt…almost human. His joints creaked as he moved his arms up to return Deidara's embrace. He heard the blonde gasp sharply. Had he been expecting rejection? And yet he still bared his heart to Sasori. He was very brave.

"Deidara…I apologize for my actions. I…feel for you, as well. I want to…" He buried his face in the smaller male's neck, trailing kisses on every piece of skin he could find. Deidara gasped again, this time in arousal. "I want…I've suddenly been overcome with the urge to make love to you…" He pulled away, disappointment dancing behind his doll-like eyes. "But…I can't…"

Deidara grinned, and lead him to his bed. He lay down, and pulled the puppet on top of him. "You can, Sasori-danna. It will mean just as much to me if you just…touch me."

If Sasori was capable of blushing, he would have. He took this as an invitation to slowly, tantalizingly, pull of every article of clothing the blonde was wearing. And when said blonde was spread out, bare, flushed with want, panting with need, Sasori felt something in him change forever.

"I was wrong, Deidara…" Sasori leaned in close, trailing his fingers over the younger's chest. "My idea of art is wrong. It cannot, in any possible way, be eternal. For you are the most magnificent work of art. And you are not eternal. Someday, you will die, you will be taken away from me… and when that day comes, I will rip out my heart core. I will leave this puppet shell forever, and follow you into the eternal."

Deidara gasped, and was overcome with emotions. He began to cry. What started out as gentle whimpers become sobs. Sasori was taken aback. He hadn't meant to make the boy _cry_.

"I didn't intend to make you sad, Deidara. I-" he was cut off as Deidara dragged him down for a kiss.

"Th-That was the single most…beautiful thing…I…" Deidara couldn't form full sentances. He arched his back, and moved his lips to Sasori's ear. "Please…make love to me…with your hands…in me…please…make…yours…"

Sasori removed his own cloak, and his pants followed after. He wished, so desperately, that he could feel Deidara's skin as he massage the boy's thighs. They spread willingly, and he caught sight of Deidara small, pink entrance.

"D-Danna…give me your hand." His angel whispered. He complied, and Deidara took three of his pseudo-fleshy fingers into his mouth. He wetted them the best he could, sliding his tongue erotically between each finger. Sasori sighed.

"I wish I could feel you." He whispered softly. Deidara smiled as he released Sasori's hand.

"I know, Danna. But maybe one day…_one day_…" He arched his back, spreading his legs even wider. The look on his face was one of passion…of want, and of need. "_Please, Danna. I need to feel your fingers inside of me_. _Hmm…" _he whined.

Sasori slipped one finger inside of Deidara's tight hole, and the blonde made a sound so erotic, it made Sasori gasp. When he added a second finger, Deidara almost came up off the bed completely. The blonde moaned, fisting the sheets.

"Please…P-Please, Danna…touch m-my…my cock…" he begged, his hips gyrating. Sasori obliged, stroking Deidara's engorged cock. The blonde almost _screamed_ in passion, throwing his head back against the pillow.

Sasori was lost in the sounds his lover was making. He repeated his actions mechanically. He wished it wasn't so. He wished he could…feel. But he focused on Deidara's sounds. His moans, he please…the way he rocked his hips in time with Sasori's thrusting digits. And suddenly, his sounds grew louder.

"Uhn…hnn…AHH! AHH! D-DANNA!" His face was contorted with pleasure. Was he about to release? "DANNA! SASORI-SEMPAI!~" He cried out. With one final pump of his cock, Deidara arched his back so hard, he almost snapped in two. He release slashed up his stomach and chest. He panted as he collapsed, staring with wide blue eyes up at his Danna.

"I-I love you, Sasori-danna." He whispered.

And to Sasori, this was perfection. But if only he could _feel._


	3. Chapter 3

When Deidara woke the next morning, he was the happiest he'd ever been. He was wrapped up in his Danna's arms. Sasori wasn't asleep, he knew that. The red head _couldn't _sleep. But his eyes were closed, and his breathing was even, calming. As long as he'd known Sasori, he'd never known him to close his eyes. Deidara hadn't seen him so much as _blink_. So why was he doing it now?

"Sasori-danna? What are you doing?" The blonde asked softly, snuggling in closer to his partner. A faint smile ghosted across the elder's face.

"I'm pretending to sleep. I wanted to sleep next to you." He murmured. He hugged Deidaara tighter. "Can we lay here a little while longer?"

A sad smile slide across Deidara's sleepy face.

"Yes, Sasori-danna." He drifted back into sleep, safely wrapped in his Master's arms.

XXX

When he woke up again, later in the morning, Sasori's doll-like eyes where open and gazing at him. The blonde wished he could wake up to this every morning. Sasori reached up and cupped the younger's face.

"I wish I…I wish I could be more for you." He whispered. Deidara sat up, cocking his head to the side. He didn't understand what that meant.

"Sasori-sempai…what do you mean, more for me?" He asked. He crawled into the ex-Suna nin's lap, tucking his head under the wooden chin. Sasori's limbs creaked as he wrapped his arms around his young lover.

"I'm saying…That I don't think…I don't think this should continue. I will only leave you wanting something more…someone _human_." He kissed the top of Deidara's head gently as he heard the boy gasp.

"No…Danna, no! You're not talking about…about us not being together, are you?" He sounded so small, so sad. Sasori slowly nodded.

"I'm very sorry…but I don't want to hold you back. I want you to be happy."

Deidara couldn't believe what he was hearing. He sat up, and turned around so that he was straddling the puppet's waist. He grabbed Sasori's face with his hands, and kissed him hard on the lips. He tried to pour everything he had into that kiss. When he pulled away, breathless and panting, he had tears streaming down his face.

"Danna, I am only happy with you! Don't…don't throw this away…don't do this to me!" He leaned down for another kiss, but Sasori stopped him.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said, before getting up and pulling his cloak on. He left the room, presumably to go and work in his workshop. Deidara wouldn't know, because he spent the rest of the day, sitting in that exact spot, sobbing for the love he'd barely got to feel.

XXX

The days went by, one even lonelier that the one before. Deidara's heart grew cold. He wasn't the childish, playful bomber he used to be. When he wasn't on solo missions, he spent most of his time alone in his room, or surprisingly, with Itachi.

"Deidara-kun. It's troubles me to see you like this. I admired your spunk." The raven haired teen said as they sat in his room. They'd stricken up the rocky friendship during their last mission, when Itachi had told him to pursue Sasori. A lot of good _that_ had done him. But he knew that the boy meant well. He also knew that if he honestly had a problem, or something he needed to talk about, he could go to the Uchiha.

Deidara huffed, plopping down on Itachi's neatly made bed. "Tough. I just can't be bothered anymore, Itachi. I loved him-" He trailed off. Itachi looked sympathetic.

"I know that, Deidara. And he loves you, too. He thinks he can't please you with his current…living arraignment, if you will. He thinks he can only make you happy if he is in a human body, like you. But he doesn't know where, or _if_ he can get one. But I…I took the liberty of contacting someone who I thought could help. And she supplied me with some meaningful information." He laced his fingers together and rested them in his lap. Deidara sat up abruptly.

"Who did you…what? Itachi, what did you do?" He questioned suspiciously. Itachi smiled softly. He leaned back in his chair, like a storyteller about to spin his web.

"There was this woman I would often visit, in an abandoned village not far from where I'm from. My clan would send me and…and my otouto there, to run errands and collect weapons. She lived with many cats, most of them Shinobi cats. Her name was Nekobaa. During my visits, she would tell stories to me, Sasuke, and her granddaughter. When I heard about your predicament, I was reminded of a particular story. Nekobaa had called it _Tsurii no Shoujixyo_, or 'The Tale of the Little Tree Girl'."

"Itachi, what in the name of _Kami_ does that have to do with Sasori getting his body back?" Deidara stared incredulously at the raven haired boy. Had he finally gone insane? Itachi smiled softly.

"Let me finish. In this story, there is a young girl, who runs away from her home and her village. No one loves her there. She gets lost in the forest. After weeks without food or water, she begins to die. She stops and sits under a beautiful willow tree, and waits for death to claim her. As she's taking her last breaths, she hears a soft voice whispering in her ear. The willow tree has a spirit, and his name is Yanagi. He confesses that he is love with the girl, and asks her to be his wife. Being in the throes of death, she agrees. Yanagi relieves her soul from her suffering body. And he gives her a name, something no one in her village cared to do. He calls her Heiwa, meaning peaceful. And that is how she lived with him from then on, happy, in love, and peaceful. But, it's rumored that if you stumble upon that same tree whilst with the one you love; if Heiwa deems it true and pure love, she will graciously grant you a wish."

Deidara blinked as Itachi finished his story. The raven waited expectantly for a reply.

"You expect me to risk my relationship…for a silly fairy tale?" The blonde deadpanned. Itachi held up a sheet of parchment.

"Nekobaa had her cat Hina find the tree. It exsists, not too far from my old village. Hina marked it with her paw print." He shoved the paper in Deidara's hands, standing and walking to the door. "You can take it or leave it. But, I will give you some advice. If I was lucky enough to have someone who actually loved me…" he paused, gazing longingly, sadly, out of the window, "I would do anything. Even believe a silly fairy tale."

And with that, he left Deidara along with his thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

Deidara was hesitantly waiting outside his partner's door, his hand raised in the air, ready to knock. He was second guessing himself, even after he'd promised himself that he wouldn't. He was sure that what Itachi had said was right…that Sasori really _did_ want to be with him, and that the only reason that the older man was pushing him away was the fact that he wasn't really _human_. With this in mind, he knocked on the door. He heard the shuffling of feet across the carpet, and then the door creaked open.

"What do you want, brat?" The puppet man hissed. The door was only open a crack, so Deidara pushed it farther as he barged in, pressing his lips against his partners, wrapping his arms around the wooden neck. The kiss was desperate on Deidara's part. Sasori did not to return the kiss. Deidara could sense this as the older man's lips remained stationary. He pulled away, trailing frantic, submissive kisses down Sasori's neck.

"Please…please, Danna!" He begged in a hushed voice. He kept repeating himself, over and over. "Please…please!"

Sasori finally had enough, and he pushed the blonde boy away. His shove was a little too rough, and as a result, Deidara went tumbling to the floor.

"I CAN'T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT, DEIDARA!" The red head shouted, his fists clenched at his side. "Stop _pushing_ this! It's never going to happen!"

Deidara stared up at him, half of his beautiful face covered by his bangs. His one visible eye shone with unshed tears. "Sasori-danna…all I want is _you_." His voice sounded fragile. He clambered to his feet, and attached himself once more to his danna. The older man tried again to push him away, but Deidara held on strong.

"Deidara, release me. This isn't doing to w-" He began, but Deidara cut him off with his lips. He place his partners arms on his hips, before wrapping his own around the older man's neck. He gyrated his groin against Sasori's leg, moaning wantonly. He knew in his mind that he looked like a desperate whore…and in this moment, that's what he felt like. But he needed his Danna to touch him. To _want_ him again. He'd do anything for that.

"Please…Master, just take me. Touch me…do _something."_ He moved his lips to the puppet's ear, placing a small kiss there, before whispering, "_I need you…"_

What he did _not_ expect, was his partner to backhand him, hard, across the face.

Xxx

Itachi was gazing at a picture, one that he kept inside his cloak, next to his heart. It was an old picture of his brother's academy class. He, of course, would gaze at his brother's smiling face from time to time, but as of late, he was focused on a different student. Short, hime-style blue hair. Big, innocent white eyes. An adorable, round face. He was gazing longingly at none other than Hyuuga Hinata.

He stroked his thumb over her picture, remembering just why exactly she was on his mind…you see, he'd travel every now and then to his old home. The Uchiha complex was old and charred now, so he never ran into any one there. He would roam the halls, almost as if to torture himself. He deemed it fitting punishment for what he had done…little did he know that he would meet his salvation there. A month ago, right before he was about to leave the complex, someone caught him. A young girl, around his brother age. She had the eyes of the Hyuuga clan, but they weren't as fierce. He overtook her easily, and trapped her in his old room. He'd decided to confess to her, one living human being, the _exact_ nature of his crime. And when he did, when he confessed to her that he had been forced to kill his clan…she had sobbed for him. She pitied him…consoled him. So he set her free. Not only that, but he had left her his necklace. He fell in love that day…and he would see her again. He would risk…everything. Just to see those eyes…

Xxx

((Sorry about the short chapter, but I have a lot of stories to catch up on!))


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